Compatibility! What is it? Compatibility is to be capable of existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another or others. It is a feeling of sympathetic understanding, especially one of mutual trust or emotional affinity. It is a relationship characterized by harmony, conformity, and accord.
Thank you Mr Webster. Now, let's break it down into something we can understand and apply it to your relationship.
Some have said that compatible partners are those who have the ability to talk over problems. "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility,” says George Levinger of the University of Massachusetts.
If you are a compatible couple, you are attuned to and see the value in each other's qualities, especially If they are different than yours.
Another way to look at this is for a couple to have the ability to reach an agreement. They can reach this agreement because they see the value in what their partner is interested in. They don't even have to like what their partner likes, they just have to be okay or value that their partner likes the things they do.
Having a disagreement, with a few exceptions, is not enough to end or even cause any long-term problem in the relationship. The only exception is when your partner's activities are totally in the wrong or morally disgusting to you. In this case, if your partner doesn't stop such activities, you would be facing a true incompatibility in your relationship.
When problems come up in a relationship, you must keep an open mind to the idea that there is a mutually acceptable solution. You have to continue seeking that solution until you find it. Your goal and desire is to make the solution work for the both of you.
When both partners are open to suggestions, and are willing to explore how these suggestions fits into their relationship, you have compatibility.
Lets take for example, recreation.
You may never want to do some of the things your partner does. They may not hold any interest for you what so ever. You don't have to like going fishing or hunting or bowling or doing anything else your wife might enjoy. It's great when you can enjoy things together with your partner, but the sign of compatibility is that you can see that your partner finds value in their pursuits. They should be given the freedom to enjoy outside activities without you feeling that they are doing something detrimental to the relationship.
On the other hand, if your partner is spending too much time engaged in outside activities, that is to say, that they are taking too much time away from you and the family, then chances are pretty good that something else is going on with your relationship that needs attention. Help is available for you at Relationship-in-Crisis.
Compatibility is a thought process. You can make up your mind to find the value in the things that are important to your partner, and to arrange for them to have the freedom to pursue whatever it is as long as it doesn't betray your relationship.
You, on the other hand, would not have to participate in any of these activities. You can agree that your partner is welcome to do so if they wish.
When you are thinking about your partner, think of their style, their world as they paint it. Are you comfortable in it? If not, what is it that you are uncomfortable about? If you made a slight adjustment, could you fit better? When your partner likes something, you need to like, not the something, but to like that your partner likes it.
Conclusion:
You are a compatible couple when you are capable of coming to an agreement about things. Compatibility is determined by how adaptable both of you are rather than by how identical you are. Do you have to like the things your partner likes to be compatible? No, you just have to like that they like the things they do. (say that ten times fast)
Article written by:
John R. Hails Jr.
Marion L. Hails
Relationship Coaches
